Kiss
Puke
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
