I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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