I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
