You just made me feel so damn special
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
