I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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