Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
