I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
