Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
