I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
