Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
