I CAN MOONWALK!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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