if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
