I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
