You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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