it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
