Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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