Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
