And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
