His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
