I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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