This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
