So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
