And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
