she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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