You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
