Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
