Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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