well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
