Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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