I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
