I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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