All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
