So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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