When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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