God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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