I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
