Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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