One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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