Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
