tell your sister to shave her snatch
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
