O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
