so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
