he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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