There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
someone owes me an orgasm
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize