i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
