the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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