He kissed a someone with a penis
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
