brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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