Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
