I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
