Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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