Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
