I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
