I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
