can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize