you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
