the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
