summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
