Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
