just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
