i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
