her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
