I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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